At The End Of Your Sight
by aki.ari
Summary: Komui's experiment has gone horribly wrong and now Allen is fading from existence. Yullen


**At The End of Your Sight**

"Allen, how do you feel?" Komui asked a large grin on his face "be honest now."

"It didn't hurt at all," Allen said smiling from his position on the bed in the strange scientist's lab. Shifting his left arm and clenching his hand into fists Allen determined that all his motor functions were up and running again. His innocence had gotten damaged during his last mission, to the point where he was unable to move it without immense pain. After returning to HQ Allen was immediately rushed to the labs, Komui was thrilled to have a subject to test out his new experiment on. He'd been working on it for weeks, a new way to prevent exorcists from feeling the pain that comes with working on their innocence – especially for parasitic innocence users.

The treatment came in the form of an anesthetic injection, and Allen had adamantly refused to be used as a guinea pig for the estranged man's experiment. However, Komui was frightening on two occasions: when his sister was involved or when his inventions were called into question. Needless to say Allen had forcibly submitted to the man.

"That's great!" Komui beamed as he unstrapped Allen's arms and legs from the bed. The pale boy sat up and rubbed at his wrists where the bindings had been.

"Well go on now, I suspect you must be famished," Komui ushered Allen out of the room grinning joyfully as he went to tell Reever the good news about his newest invention.

Sighing Allen made his way down the halls of the black order, entering the cafeteria with a smile.

"Allen!" Lenalee called waving the boy over to the table where she and Lavi were sitting. Allen waved back as he walked towards his friends, figuring the food he intended to order could wait.

"You're all better now!" Lavi exclaimed joyously as he tugged the pale boy down to sit by him. "I'm so sorry, I should have been more careful." Allen blinked cocking his head to the side cutely before pouting.

"It wasn't you fault and it's not like I can't take care of myself," Allen muttered dismissing the rest of Lavi's words as monotonous droning in the back of his mind. Lenalee observed in mild amusement as the exuberant red head prattled on about things he could have and should have done on the mission.

"Allen did my brother do anything weird?" Lenalee asked concern lacing her words "you were in there quite long."

"No, I just passed out is all," Allen grinned sheepishly "it took me awhile to wake up." The lie was rather weak and Allen decided at that moment to excuse himself to order his food. The white haired boy felt put out by his lack of hunger, he couldn't remember the last time he'd not had an appetite, but simply attributed it to a side effect of the anesthesia.

"What can I get for you today Allen dear?" Jerry asked as he straightened his pink apron.

"Just some French toast please, I'm still feeling a bit queasy from Komui's new treatment," Allen laughed lightly, the flamboyant cook joyfully pranced into the kitchen to prepare the abnormally small order. A few minutes later he came out placing a tray with eight slices of French toast on it in front of Allen. Smiling the boy reached for the tray only for it to slip through his hands, clattering on the floor along with his order.

'What just happened?' Allen wondered as he looked at his hands touching the counter tentatively to assure himself he was still corporeal before his silver eyes looked up apologetically.

"I'm so sorry Jerry," Allen said as he bent and began to clean up the mess that he'd created.

"Are you alright dear?" Jerry asked to which Allen nodded.

"Yeah, it just slipped," Allen smiled nervously as the pink haired male disappeared into the kitchen returning a few moments later with a replication of the boy's order. Thanking the cook again Allen picked up his new tray and headed over to his friends, taking a seat beside Lavi.

"Still having some motor problems?" Lavi asked frowning at the display.

"Don't worry about it, my nerves are probably just raw from being fixed," Allen said trying to convince himself more than anyone else. 'Must have just been my imagination' Allen thought as he began to eat.

------

The rest of the day passed by slowly with minor incidents like the one in the cafeteria occurring. Allen had become quite frustrated with the way things were turning out. 'That time I _know_ it passed through my hand' Allen thought feeling a horrible unease building within him 'I should go talk to Komui.' Allen stood from the edge of his bed setting his course for the scientist's office.

-------

"Komui," Allen said as he stepped into the man's office.

"Oh Allen, how are you?" Komui asked "couldn't thank me enough earlier huh?"

"I think something's wrong," Allen said watching as the light atmosphere was replaced by seriousness.

"What happened?" Komui asked.

"I can't seem to hold things anymore," Allen said "they fall through my hands."

"Your motor functions are shot?" Komui asked

"No it's not that…things pass directly through my hands as if my hands just aren't there," Allen tried to explain. Komui quirked a brow, not quite understanding what Allen was trying to say. Sighing Allen picked up a file from the scientists desk which didn't last long as the file passed through his hands, falling to the floor with a soft flop sound.

Komui's eyes widened to the size of saucers as he ran to Allen's side gasping the boy's hands, turning them under his scrutinizing glare.

"That is amazing – how long?" Komui asked in awe.

"Since I left here," Allen said "it wasn't frequent it only happened once so I thought I'd imagined it, but then it continued happening and now I can't hold anything…soon I won't even be able to pick anything up."

"I need to run some tests," Komui said walking towards his lab with Allen in toe.

"Where are you two going?" Lenalee asked seeing Komui leading Allen towards his labs.

"Just to do some tests," Komui smiled "nothing serious."

"Don't worry Lenalee," Allen said reassuringly, though he was quite worried about what the tests would turn up about his current condition.

-------

Allen was in the lab for hours with Komui, being subjected to unnatural experiments the man called tests. The white haired boy had done everything as he'd been instructed despite the unease he'd been feeling. The scientist was rather questionable and his methods also left much clarification to be desired.

After the tests Komui had determined that it wasn't only Allen's hands that had been affected. By the time all the tests had finished Allen was no longer able to pick anything up much to the boy's chagrin.

"Go to your room and rest," Komui sighed "I'll try to figure this out Allen." The white haired boy nodded, walking to the door and made to turn the handle only to trip, falling straight through the closed door, half of him sprawled in the hall, the other half still in the room.

"Allen!" Komui gasped opening the door to see the boy picking himself up.

"Am I a ghost?" Allen asked.

"You're not dead so no," Komui said "but this is fascinating, maybe the anesthetic makes it so that nothing will hurt at all, meaning you're no longer corporeal…I'm sorry. I'll go find a way to undo it Allen. I promise."

-------

Allen made his way back to his room as quickly as he could manage, not wanting anyone to find out about his _condition._ It would only cause unnecessary worry to circulate amongst his friends at the Order, and that was one thing he absolutely didn't want.

Allen rested a hand against the door of his room and gently pushed, hoping that the door would open instead of his hand passing through it. To his relief he felt the solid oak of the door under his palm and a small smile graced his features.

Walking into his room Allen took a seat on his bed, deciding that maybe by some stretch of the imagination things would be better in the morning. Perhaps he'd wake to find that it had all been just a dream – a horrible prank of a dream induced by too much sugar and alcohol. It was highly unlikely seeing as Allen was a bottomless pit and a little extra sugar in his diet hardly qualified as a performance inhibitor, nor did sugar cause hallucinations or delirium. Also Allen wouldn't be caught dead drinking, not after having been Cross's apprentice. Alcohol to Allen signified only debts and headaches, two things he could most definitely live without.

Silver eyes stared at the ceiling for hours before finally slipping closed from fatigue and mental exertion. Worrying would not solve his problems. And staying up all night was surely not going to help either.

------

"Come Allen let's go get something to eat," Lenalee said as she shook the lump of blanket that housed her white haired comrade.

"I'm not hungry," Allen mumbled. He had woken to a rapping at his door and had stumbled from bed to answer it not remembering the events of the day before through his sleep fogged mind. The blissful haze had dissipated once Allen tried to open the door and his hand passed through the handle. Cursing the white haired boy looked at the door sadly before mumbling a quick go away and going back to the bed to hide himself away. Lenalee however was quite persistent – infuriatingly so – and had forced the door open.

"You're lying, you're always hungry unless you've just ate," Lenalee said crossing her arms and tapping her foot impatiently.

"I'm tired," Allen offered groggily as he shifted under the covers.

"Allen, come on." Lenalee flipped the cover off Allen enough to grab his hand and drag him out from the bed. Her smile faded as soon as her hand passed through Allen's, the disgruntled boy falling to the floor with a thud. A shrill scream pierced the air and the nearby Lavi rushed in along with Komui and his sister radar.

"Lenalee what's wrong?" Lavi asked emerald eye scanning the room quickly.

"Lenalee!" Komui called as he ran through the order.

"What happened to Allen?" Lenalee asked.

"Something went wrong with an experiment but he'll be fine," Komui said "I'm working on a way to fix him." Lavi's eye was wide as he helped Allen up.

"Brother fix this!" Lenalee said "make Allen better now!"

"I don't know what went wrong" Komui pouted.

"Just fix him!" Lenalee cried.

------

A couple days passed and Allen's condition was only worsening. He had begun to fade. The first time it happened Allen had been in the library with Lavi and Bookman, trying to describe the sensation as best as he could and then he faded completely from view.

"Panda, what just happened?" Lavi asked blinking stupefied by the empty space which had just been occupied by his friend.

"He's gone you idiot," Bookman replied in an annoyed tone as he hit Lavi upside the head.

A few minutes later Allen reappeared in the corner of the room. He was crouched against the wall, legs pulled to his chest and eyes clenched shut.

"Where did you go Allen?" Lavi asked.

"I don't know, I was here but you couldn't see me…then it got dark and cold…it was like being stuck in a void between where I am and where I'm supposed to be," Allen said unable to control the trembling in his hands.

------

When Kanda had returned to the order he was in a foul mood. His mission had been a success but it had taken much longer to get done than he'd anticipated. Then Komui had insisted he come back to HQ instead of just getting another mission from where he was, something which the navy haired male considered a complete waste of his time.

On his way to debrief Komui about his mission Kanda came across Allen. The boy was standing in front the door, hand clasped around the door knob to their supervisor's office. Kanda growled in annoyance wondering why the heck Allen was just standing there if he didn't intend to go in.

"Oi Moyashi, get the fuck out of the way" Kanda growled shoving the white haired boy forward, hoping for the door to open with the movement. Startled, Allen stumbled through the door leaving Kanda shocked and simply stating at a closed door alone in the hallway, no sign of Allen ever having been there.

'What just happened?' Kanda wondered, mind blank at what he had seen. After a few moments he shook his head and headed to his room 'I'm just tired…I should sleep it off…or mediate' the navy haired male changed course to the training halls.

While meditating, Lenalee joined Kanda silently.

"Is Louvelier here?" Kanda asked.

"No," Lenalee sighed heavily, as though deeply troubled.

"You never come to meditate unless he's around," Kanda said dully, leaving the unasked question open for a response.

"I'm worried and need to calm down is all," Lenalee smiled softly.

"Ah," Kanda acknowledged.

"Brother messed Allen up and now he's fading in and out of existence," Lenalee muttered as she decided to confide in the young samurai.

"He what?" Kanda's shock was barely masked by his revelation, 'so I wasn't seeing things earlier.'

"This is worse than the time he turned everyone into zombies and you and Lavi were children - he's literally disappearing," Lenalee said, voice rife with worry.

------

Ever since Lenalee had told him about Allen, Kanda had been thinking about how Allen had passed through the door to Komui's office. 'Why was he just standing there? I pushed him, so he was at least partially corporeal before he phased through the door, was he trying to open the door?' Kanda wondered as he left the training hall. Nothing about the situation made sense, Allen was as optimistic as a rabbit on a caffeine high, so it was unlikely he was weary about Komui finding a cure.

Allen was far from being like Lavi, who'd be playing this mishap to its extent, pranking people left, right and center, but that didn't mean he'd be sulking in a corner like some lost child. Being an exorcist there was bound to be many more troubling things than being translucent and unable to affect ones surroundings…or perhaps that was a great deal more troubling – not being able to affect anything.

It was well past midnight and the corridors of the Order were dark and empty. The navy haired male briefly wondered where Allen was and what he was doing. 'He's probably just sleeping in his room' Kanda thought shaking off the uncharacteristic concern only to turn a corner, cobalt eyes landing on a lithe white figure bathed in moonlight.

"Moyashi," Kanda called as his eyes raked over the rather melancholy form of the smaller boy standing off to the side of the corridor looking out the window longingly. Pale fingers ghosted over the glass, catching the moonbeams in a ray of illuminated dust.

"Kanda, you can see me?" Allen asked turning around to face the samurai. Silver eyes shone with an unrestrained hope as he cocked his head to the side in questioning.

"Yeah," Kanda said as he watched Allen's expression morph into one of joy rather than the cloudy misery.

"I'm so happy," Allen said, a weak smile forming on his delicate features as clear rivulets trailed over his cheeks.

"Don't cry brat, Komui's figuring out a way to fix the damn problem he created," Kanda said feeling the sinews of his heart twist.

"I was there and everyone was talking to me then suddenly no one could see me but I was still there – I think I'm slipping," Allen said his weak smile faltering as pale arms wrapped around himself to stop the shivers that were coursing through him.

"Baka Moyashi, you're not going anywhere," Kanda said as he approached Allen.

"Kanda, I'm scared," Allen said, voice cracking as he chocked on his tears. Silence washed over the hall as cobalt stared into fearful silver. 'What could have possibly brought this on?' Kanda wondered, unable to comprehend the look in Allen's eyes. As far as the older male could remember, Allen had never expressed such helplessness. "I'm not going to disappear altogether right?"

"You're too damn stubborn to ever disappear on me completely," Kanda muttered sighing as he stood before the younger male.

"Kanda I - " Allen was cut off as he faded from view.

"Moyashi," Kanda said, eyes scanning the area for any sign of the younger boy, "Oi Moyashi." Heaving a sigh at the emptiness of the hallway Kanda turned his gaze out the window at the crescent moon that Allen had been looking at.

"Damn it," Kanda cursed as he turned on his heel and headed to his room, berating himself for getting so worked up over Allen. 'It has nothing to do with me…and in any case he'll be fine' Kanda thought. It was, after all, Allen Walker – the destroyer of time – the kid wasn't easy to kill.

------

Kanda didn't know what to think about the younger exorcist. The expression Allen had worn that night plagued his mind. Kanda ended up paying much closer attention to the boy whenever he was near. He couldn't explain the odd feelings that rose in his chest every time he saw those genuinely raw emotions that drenched the white haired boy and Kanda couldn't help but seek Allen out, anywhere he went.

"Oi Moyashi" Kanda called seeing the boy nearing the end of the hallway. Allen didn't turn or make any show of acknowledging the older male's presence. Kanda's strides lengthened as he hastened his pace. "Baka Moyashi, don't ignore me!" Allen disappeared through the wall leaving a very flustered Kanda behind. Sword calloused fingers brushed against the chilly stone wall as a frown turned the corners of his mouth.

-------

'I'm here again' Allen thought, silver eyes glistening with the tears he was desperately trying to hold back. Crouching amidst the hollow void Allen hugged his knees to his chest, head bowed while he rocked back and forth in attempts to calm his anxiety. 'I want to go back…back to…where? I don't remember anymore, there were people…faces…who am I?'

------

"Allen! Thank god you're alright. I was so worried I haven't seen you in days!" Lenalee cried as she hugged the illusive boy only for him to step back through her arms, a weary expression on his face "don't worry Allen, my brother says he almost has the cure for this!"

"Who are you?" Shock, hurt and dismay – a myriad of emotions flickered across Lenalee's face as she stared at the white haired boy.

"It's me, Lenalee, remember Allen?" Lenalee asked hopefully but there was no recognition in Allen's once warm and inviting silver eyes. Unable to deal with the pain building within her, Lenalee ran to see her brother, passing a very confused Kanda on the way.

"I'm here again," Allen whispered as he glanced down the hallway of the stone fortress. "I should remember…it's…" Allen threaded his fingers in his hair sighing as he bowed his head in thought "order…exorcist…akuma…earl…shit!" Allen exclaimed as he recalled everything that had been drained away from him in the void he's been subjected to.

"Moyashi," Kanda said, having heard the soft mumbling followed by the curse. Allen rounded the corner stopping in front of the samurai, eyes wide and panicked.

"Oi what's with that look?" Kanda asked unable to suppress his worry.

"Kanda, I…don't let me disappear again please, I can't do it anymore, its…" Allen started to fade amidst his hysterics.

"Calm down! You're fading," Kanda snapped reaching out for Allen's hand, the brief contact revealing just how cold Allen was.

"Please," silver eyes met cobalt, begging desperately for an anchor to this world before Allen vanished once again.

Left alone in the hallway and stunned beyond all reason, Kanda's hand fell to his side loosely. He'd never seen Allen so frightened and desperate before. Allen wasn't the type to burden other people with his problems, normally opting to suffer by himself. The fact that Allen had been so distraught that he was begging, Kanda of all people, really put a halt to any of the older male's thoughts.

Unable to contain himself any further Kanda set a course to Komui's office.

"You better have a solution right now or else I'm going to run you through with Mugen!" Kanda growled as he stormed into Komui's office.

"Kanda how nice of you to visit me…" the scientist sighed as the heated gaze fell upon him "if it's about Allen's memory I know, Lenalee told me Allen didn't remember her."

"His memory? That must have been why he was panicking so much," Kanda muttered to himself before slamming his hands down on the paper cluttered desk. "Fix it now!"

"I can't," Komui said "I mean I have a theory but it may not work."

"Make it work!" Kanda snapped "the brat is damn annoying as it is, and now that he's a fucking specter he's even more of a pain." The young samurai tried to play off his worry with annoyance once he'd realized how desperate he'd sounded. Kanda was just coming to terms with his concern for Allen and he really didn't need anyone thinking he'd gone soft – especially not for the boy he continuously claimed to hate. 'He's not going to last much longer he's already panicking' Kanda thought, hands clenched into fists as he withdrew from the scientist's office.

-----

An endless expanse of black stretched out all around a trembling white figure. The wispy winds of insecurity and paranoia spiraled around him, licking at cold pallid skin and telling of dark things that lurked in the recesses of a clouded mind. It is in this limbo, this place of which things lost are never found and forever is faded from existence that the young exorcist loses his will to continue on.

'Black…nothingness…empty…I don't remember' Allen thought as the tears he'd been holding back fell, clear rivulets of salty grief marring white porcelain flesh.

The black void warped, ripples of existence bleeding together with the strings of things faded. Grey stone walls ruptured the darkness, building up a long hallway around the pale figure. Arched window panes reflect light off the diamond stars set amongst the indigo backdrop of night, illuminated the once overwhelming darkness.

Kanda had been walking back to his room from the cafeteria thinking about how it had been several days since he'd last seen Allen. To his surprise a head of white hair came into his view as he passed the stairs leading up to the living quarters.

"Moyashi," Kanda said crouching before the trembling boy. Dull lifeless silver eyes turned up in search of the source of sound, meeting deep cobalt. There was nothing in Allen's eyes, the once beautiful metallic pools had lost their sheen and reflected only emptiness. Kanda had never seen such a hopeless look upon the younger male's face in the entire time they'd known each other and to say that it was disturbing, would be an injustice to the magnitude of the male's feelings.

"Are you real?" Allen asked "for that matter am I real?"

"Baka Moyashi, of course you're real," Kanda said.

"Who are you?" Allen's voice quivered in his attempts to remain in control of the tears that were threatening to spill forth again.

"I'm the guy who'll be really pissed off if you don't pull yourself together," Kanda cocked a brow as a frown turned the corners of his mouth. 'Come on Moyashi, I know you haven't forgotten everything' Kanda thought as he saw a mild spark of recognition in the silver eyes before him.

"Kanda," Allen's voice was hesitant as his memories slowly filled the empty fluff in his brain.

"That's better," Kanda smirked, relief washing his steely eyes.

Allen thought he was dreaming, even if he was real and back at the Order, through all his recollections no where had this man ever smiled at him like that. Allen, desperate for warmth even if it wasn't real reached out a pale limb, fingers ghosting across Kanda's cheek. 'If this was real he'd have hit me or threatened to stab me with Mugen' Allen mused as he felt warmth emanating from the Japanese male.

"You're warm," Allen whispered, eyes never leaving the cobalt ones that drew him in.

"And you're still here," Kanda said simply as he briefly wondered how the younger boy was able to touch him.

"Kanda," Allen's eyes welled up with tears again as his pale hands flitted delicately across the older male's cheeks. The sinews of Kanda's heart wrenched at the look in the gorgeous silver pools. The barest amount of life repossessed the glittering gems that were Allen's eyes, making him for the moment look somewhat like his normal self. Kanda sighed as he momentarily wished that Allen would need him even after all this crap was over, wanting the boy to touch him with the same kind of yearning, for him instead of warmth.

Kanda raised his hands to cover Allen's smaller ones, enveloping them in a strong grip. It was ever so brief as Allen began to fade again. The warmth seeped into the chilled flesh of the pale boy as his heart rate sped up ever so slightly, a pale blush painting his cheeks.

"Hold on a little longer brat," Kanda said to the desperation in Allen's expression. The boy forced a smile and nodded as he was gone again. Cobalt continued to stare at where Allen had been for a long moment before retiring to his room.

-----

"Allen, if you're in the building please come to my office immediately!" Komui's voice called over the speakers, the order echoing through every hallway of headquarters. Lavi and Lenalee, having been in the cafeteria stood up after exchanging questioning glances and headed towards Komui's office to see what had happened.

"Bother?" Lenalee asked as she peered into the room.

"Oh Lenalee, I've done it!" Komui laughed triumphantly, holding a syringe in hand "where's Allen?"

"We haven't seen him for two days now" Lavi said walking closer to inspect the syringe. "What's in this thing?"

"It should reverse the effect the anesthetic had on him" Komui offered quickly before picking up the speaker from his desk. "Attention everyone! If anyone sees Allen Walker, bring him to me immediately!" Komui announced over the intercom. "Now we just have to wait for Allen" Komui said setting down the speaker.

"Hear that Moyashi, hurry up and get back here. I'll bet Komui's waiting for you with the cure right this second," Kanda whispered before resuming his training, katana slicing through the air fluidly.

-----

The mood around the Order was dark; everyone had been looking out for Allen, having waited days upon days for him to turn up somewhere. Soon the days bled into weeks and there arose worry that the white haired boy wouldn't turn up at all.

'Damn it Moyashi where are you?' Kanda thought as he swung Mugen in a gracefully practiced movement. He hadn't had any missions lately and he found himself in the training halls almost every spare moment he had. It was a means for keeping himself busy instead of looking around the Order like the rest of the fools who thought that if they looked hard enough they'd be able to find him. No, Kanda wasn't as simple minded as them, he knew that all there was to do was wait, Allen would turn up sooner or later and when he did he'd be thriving company – why bother looking under the stairs and behind bookshelves when the boy wasn't even hiding?

"Maybe we were too late" Lavi said. Kanda paused in his swing and turned his steely gaze to the door, where the voice had sounded.

"No! Don't say that!" Lenalee cried "he's coming back! He's going to be alright!" Sighing Kanda continued the stalled motion, debating on whether or not to start his meditation and move the venue to his room.

"Lenalee I'm not trying to be an ass. Really I want Allen to come back as much as you do but we have to face it, he's been gone for almost two weeks. That's the longest he's stayed in that place. We may have been too late," Lavi said trying to calm the girl, but succeeding only in upsetting her even more.

"No! You're wrong!" Lenalee yelled, shaking her head violently.

"Baka Usagi quit riling her up!" Kanda snapped from the training hall, unable to contain his annoyance anymore.

"But Yuu-" Lavi said after getting over the mild surprise that Kanda was in the vicinity. And more so that he was taking an active role in their conversation.

"Shut up," Kanda scowled, eyes narrowed in a piercing glare "the baka Moyashi is too stubborn to disappear altogether, he'll be back and annoying people soon enough."

"You miss him too huh?" Lavi asked sighing as he folded his arms behind his head casually.

"I don't give a shit about that brat but everyone is damn irritating when they're worrying about him," Kanda growled. Silence followed for a few tense minutes. Both Lenalee and Lavi could tell that Kanda was putting up a front and had actually been harboring rather protective feelings towards the youngest member of their group. Kanda never said anything and as far as they were aware, he'd never admit such a thing even to himself, but it was clear that Allen held a special place behind the Japanese male's icy barriers.

------

Silver eyes took in his surrounding with mild detachment. He was in a small room, a bed was against the wall to his right, where a winged golden ball lay nestled amongst the sheets, to his left was wardrobe and further down the wall was a door. On the far wall was a window, from which he could see dark skies and heavy clouds.

"Where am I?" the question resounded through the lonely room, filling it with a voice long lost from its confines. There was a dull nagging sensation in the back of his mind that told him he should recognize this place and the strange golden thing that was on the bed, but for the life of him he just couldn't figure it out.

"Moyashi?" a voice said in surprise. The pale boy whipped around eyes appraising the figure standing in the now open door. Amongst the other thoughts running through his head the boy vaguely wondered when the man standing before him had arrived, and if he knew was supposed to know him.

"Do you have any idea how much trouble you've caused?" Kanda snapped as he stalked forward, navy hair swaying with his fluid movements and brows knitting together as if unsure of whether to be relieved or pissed off beyond all reason.

The white haired boy said nothing, simply staring at the man who was now only a few inches away, looking down with his slight advantage in height. Cobalt eyes scanned the blank expression on the boy's face as a frown turned the corners of his mouth.

"Oi, don't you have anything to say for yourself?" Kanda asked.

"Who are you?" Allen asked.

"You can't answer that?" Kanda asked, trying to coax the boy into remembering like he had several weeks earlier.

"If I could I wouldn't have asked," the response was blunt and nothing like how Allen would have normally responded.

"Baka Moyashi, think harder," Kanda growled as his eyes narrowed. Feeling rather flustered about the persistence of the man in front of him, Allen sighed and turned to face the window again.

"Don't fucking ignore me, there's no telling how long before you fade again," Kanda said, voice dropping an octave in his anger.

"Fade? Yes, I tend to do that don't I?" Allen mused as he held a translucent hand up to the dim light of the room.

"Screw this, come with me," Kanda said gesturing to the door.

"Why?" Allen asked.

"So the damn scientist can make you corporeal again," Kanda snapped as he made to grab Allen's hand only to find air in its place.

"I can't feel anything," Allen said as he lifted the hand that the older male had tried to grab hold of. "I don't remember much either. No joy, no sorrow, no fear…then again you can't really be afraid of anything when you don't know anything, can you?"

"I don't care, you can feel whatever the hell you want later," Kanda said.

"I do remember feeling cold though, very cold, and somehow you make me think of warmth," Allen said suddenly, turning completely to face Kanda, brows knitted together in thought.

"We don't have time for this!" Kanda snapped "start walking now!"

"If I were to say no you couldn't do anything about it could you?" Allen asked nonchalantly.

"Don't fucking test me Moyashi," Kanda growled dangerously.

"You keep calling me Moyashi," Allen said, his silver eyes boring into the cobalt depths before him "why?"

"Che, 'cause you're small," Kanda smirked at the look that lit the boy's face. Silver eyes widened and pale lips pursed together, having taken the statement as an insult. 'At least his brain still works' Kanda thought as he gestured to the door for what must've been the third time in the span of a couple minutes.

The white haired boy followed silently through the hallways until they came to a lab, where an Asian man was sitting with a cup of coffee looking very distraught.

"Oi Komui, look what I found," Kanda said nodding to the boy at his side. The scientist was up in a matter of seconds and flicking a syringe.

"Kanda, where was he?" Lavi asked, making himself known from the corner of the room, to the side of the door where he'd been sitting.

"His room," Kanda said.

"What were you doing in his room?" Lavi asked curiously as he watched the white haired boy look at the syringe in mild interest, as if wondering how they were going to inject him with something when he lacked a solid form.

"I was just passing by," Kanda said a light blush tinting his cheeks as he turned away. He had been checking Allen's room twice a day to see if the boy would turn up there for over a week. He seriously had missed the light banter and the fake smiles that he couldn't stand – he was no fool, he realized how messed up that was long ago. But there was nothing on the earth that could make him tell any of that to the hyperactive redheaded male that was talking to him now.

"Now Allen stay still," Komui said as he put the syringe into a strange device that resembled an aerosol can, attaching it to mask that covered Allen's mouth and nose. "Just breathe in ok." A thin silver brow cocked in disbelief at what the scientist was trying to do before he nodded his recognition.

Just as the odd looking device neared him, a rush of memories flooded Allen's brain. He was suddenly aware of everything and everyone and looked wearily at what he noted was one of Komui's experiments. Stepping back quickly Allen's eyes displayed his uncertainty as he retreated behind Kanda.

"Komui, what is that?" Allen asked from his safe spot behind Kanda.

"Oh Allen, your memories came back? I'm so happy for you, now hurry and let me reverse this before you disappear again," Komui said as he tried to step around Kanda.

"Quit that!" Kanda snapped at Allen before stepping out of the way completely.

Silver eyes widened in apprehension as the device neared him and then everything went black.

------

"Is he going to be alright?" Lenalee asked as she brushed aside a few locks of white hair from Allen's face. The boy was sleeping soundly on one of the infirmary beds. He was, to the relief of the entire Order, corporeal again and all that was left to before everything went back to normal was for the boy to wake up.

Bleary silver eyes cracked open, searching for the sound of the voice he'd just heard. Blinking the sleep from his eyes Allen sat up, much to Lenalee's and Lavi's surprise.

"He's awake!" Lavi exclaimed. Two words was all it took before the room was bombarded with visitors welcoming Allen and expressing how much they missed him. All but the one person that Allen wanted to see the most, a certain navy haired samurai. 'If nothing else, I have to thank him for everything' Allen thought, while smiling and nodding to the people who were fawning over him.

-------

Kanda sighed as he watched Allen from across the room. The white haired boy was as joyful as ever, surrounded by people, laughing and smiling as though he hadn't a care in the world. Kanda felt almost envious of everyone surrounding Allen and telling him how happy they were to have him back. Allen no longer needed to cling to the navy haired male with such desperation now that he was corporeal again.

"Che," Kanda mumbled as he stalked out of the room to the training halls.

Allen was so relieved to be corporeal again and it seemed that the feeling was mutual all around. But the one face that Allen sought out of the crowd had left. 'I should have known it wouldn't be the same, he just pitied me because I was so scared. He has no reason to stick around me now' Allen thought feeling his mood dampen.

Later that evening after things had calmed down Allen was lying on his bed staring up at the dark ceiling. Dilated silver eyes drifted to the window searching for the moon that would illuminate the dark confines of the room and assure Allen he was home. There was no moon, nor any light and the deafening silence hung heavy over the cursed boy as he struggled to suppress the anxiety welling up in his gut. Abruptly standing, Allen decided to go for a walk around the Order, surely that would be better than dwelling in the void of darkness his room seemed to be – all to reminiscent of the limbo between existence.

Allen's wanderings took him past the cafeteria and through the library to the stretch of hallway, lined by the training rooms.

"Moyashi?" Kanda's brows furrowed in thought as noticed Allen just a bit further down the hall from the room which he'd just stepped out of. The Japanese male had every intention of heading back to his room now that he'd exhausted most of his frustrations in training and meditation but seeing Allen wandering around so late at night made the worry he had reserved for the pale boy start to bubble within him.

"Kanda," Allen turned to the voice, startled at the noise piercing the otherwise hollow silence of the Order. Kanda noticed the relief wash over Allen as soon as the shock had dissipated and wondered what could possibly be wrong now that he was back to normal.

"What are you doing up this late?" Kanda asked.

"I uh…couldn't sleep," Allen said, a light pink dusting his cheeks at the rather childish confession.

"So you decided to walk around in the halls all night?" Kanda asked, quirking a brow.

"There's no moon tonight," Allen said, downcast silver eyes shimmering with something akin to longing.

"A cryptic answer coming for you? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised," Kanda said smirking.

"It's dark like pitch and quiet like death…I can't help but think about…ghaa!" Allen threaded his fingers through his hair as he shook his head "Never mind anything I said, I'm sorry for rambling." Allen bowed quickly in apology before turning to run off. He did want Kanda's company, but he was sure the older male wouldn't want anything to do with him.

Kanda instinctively reached out to grab Allen's wrist, stopping him from moving any farther away. Spinning the boy to face him again Kanda's expression softened as he pulled Allen into his arms.

"Baka," Kanda muttered "if you didn't want to be alone you could have just said so."

"I…Can I stay with you?" Allen asked hesitantly. 'Good going you idiot, he'd probably going to get mad for being so damn needy' Allen berated himself. Allen felt his heart drop when Kanda turned and began to walk away. 'Of course he wouldn't stay.'

"You coming or are you just going to stare?" Kanda asked pausing in his stride. Confusion overtook Allen's features as he cocked his head to the side in questioning.

"Che," Kanda muttered as he walked back over, clearing the distance in a few graceful steps. Calloused fingers wrapped around Allen's wrist before the older male began to walk again, pulling a startled white haired boy along.

"K-Kanda where…why…ah" Allen was searching for the right question only to stumble in his short and awkward pace before catching himself and matching Kanda's pace.

"You asked to stay with me didn't you?" Kanda asked pausing to look into stardust eyes of the younger boy. "If you changed your mind then go," Kanda released the hand he'd held before awaiting Allen's response.

"Why?" pale lips emitted the soft question with a hopeful lilt. Kanda said nothing for long minute, just staring – cobalt against silver, searching for something in Allen's eyes.

"Why me?" Kanda asked catching Allen of guard with his question.

"What do you mean?" Allen asked.

"Why not Lavi or Lenalee? Why _me_?" Kanda clarified. 'Why indeed?' Allen thought as a blush tinted his pale cheeks. Allen's gaze fell to the floor, not wanting to face the intensity in Kanda's eyes that always seemed to draw him in.

"You were my anchor," Allen said "I feel safe with you." The white haired boy peered up at the older male, expecting an angry scowl to be adorning his features but found instead the samurai's stoic mask, as though his confession had been completely insignificant. Even in the shadowed hall Kanda could easily make out the bright blush on the younger boy's cheeks; it along with what Allen had said making him want to do something very uncharacteristic. "

"You're not a complete bother," Kanda said as he began walking again, pausing to give Allen a pointed look that said, hurry-up-or-I'll-leave-you. Allen didn't know why Kanda's words had made his heart beat faster but the joy was incomprehensible.

Once in Kanda's room Allen took a seat at the edge of the bed, silver eyes following the older male as he placed Mugen on the bedside table. Silver eyes were soon drawn to the glowing flower in the glass jar on the table. The dull glow was beautiful – ethereal like the moon. Allen found himself enrapture by its elegance. He had never been in Kanda's room before, having only ever been at the door; he never expected Kanda to own something so fragile in appearance.

'Figures he'd be taken with that thing' Kanda thought almost bitterly.

"It's so…" Allen paused feeling his heart swell with grief. Kanda braced himself for the boy to say beautiful – the few people to have been in his room had seen it only for its beauty – the deceptively gorgeous flower suspended within the glass. "Sad," Allen concluded, feeling tears prick at his eyes. Kanda's eyes widened for a second having not expected that kind of thought with regards to the lotus. It was rather piteous; the lotus was currently preserving his life, or what was left of it. But the damnably precious flower was the death clock that was monitoring his life, or what was left of it.

"Excuse me?" Kanda asked, checking to make sure he had really heard what he thought he had.

"That flower is so sorrowful," Allen replied "it has a morbid beauty about it, slowly withering in isolation." A pale hand gripped the folds of clothing over his heart as the painful pressure within him increased. Kanda didn't know what to say, Allen truly was unique.

Allen took Kanda's silence to mean the male was angry with him again.

"I'm sorry if I was out of line," Allen said quickly, startling Kanda even more "I didn't mean to make you angry, please don't throw me out."

"Che, I never said I was angry brat," Kanda said a smirk tugging at his lips.

Silence blanketed the room before two gem-like silver eyes looked up to meet the dark cobalt depths.

"Thank you," Allen said, the navy haired male drowning in his sincerity.

"Don't-" Kanda started only to be cut of by Allen.

"Please let me finish," Allen said quickly.

"Shut up," Kanda said, though his tone was far from menacing. Allen pouted, wanting to express just how much everything Kanda had done for him meant.

"Am I supposed to pretend that it never happened?" Allen asked looking rather crestfallen. 'What is he going on about; he doesn't need me anymore, why is he pursuing this?' Kanda pondered in silence.

'It's now or never' Allen thought, screwing up his courage and standing from the bed. Kanda followed every shift of Allen's body as he approached. A pale hand timidly reached up to rest on the older male's cheek. Kanda said nothing nor did he move.

"You're warm" Allen whispered, cold fingers splayed across the smooth flesh. A breath hitched in Kanda's throat at the chill that ran through him from the contact. 'Why is he still so cold? Has he always been this cold?' Kanda wondered briefly before his hand instinctively reached up to wrap around Allen's.

"Have you always been this cold?" Kanda asked as he clasped his hands around Allen's smaller one.

"BaKanda," silver eyes sparkled with amusement as Allen laughed.

"Baka Moyashi," Kanda grumbled releasing Allen's hand.

"No, please…" Allen's expression faltered. 'What's with that desperate look?' Kanda wondered, having not believed the movement would have provoked such a reaction from the younger boy. Allen sought out Kanda's hand, lacing his fingers with the older males. "Please, just for a little while."

'Why is he acting like this? He couldn't possibly want anything more from me now that everything is back to normal' Kanda thought, heart rate accelerating. 'Ah to hell with it.'

"Che," Kanda grunted pulling Allen's lithe body against his own and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy in a protective embrace. The white haired boy let out a startled yelp as he felt a strong arms snake around him. A vivid red blush painted Allen's cheeks as he buried his face in Kanda's chest to hide his embarrassment.

"You were always just a fleeting flicker of white around the corner or at the end of the hall that I'd glimpse out of the corner of my eye," Kanda said as he felt Allen slacken in his arms – no longer tense and rigid.

"Kanda?" Allen asked, a lightly curious lilt to the soft voice.

"Shut up," Kanda muttered into the silky snow-white hair of the younger boy. And for once in a long while Allen listened without question and enjoyed the silence that enveloped him.

_End_

* * *

A/N: Well what do you know…I finished another one even though I should be working on my culminating assignments and studying for exams *sigh* I really have no sorted priorities. And I think I really need to sleep (for more than three hours).

So anyway, this fic turned out kind of weird and I'm not sure if it's quite up there with the rest of them. I had this plot bunny brooding in a corner of my laptop for awhile and finally got to work it through. I liked the idea, and had fun with one of Komui's malfunctioning experiment things but I feel that maybe it didn't turn out as good as it could have been. It also feels kind of hitched in some places *shrugs* or maybe I'm reading too much into it, what with it being 1am and all.

Anyway thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed my works.

Comments are welcomed – they make me happy :)


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